Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
