Can Purell be used as lube?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
