you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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