I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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