I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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