i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
