? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
