so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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