every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
