I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
