i wish my penis had a tongue
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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