Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
