im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
