I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Holy shit heโs stupid hot! If you donโt hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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