So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
