You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
