i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
