about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
