xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
