Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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