I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
