I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
