She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
