Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
