We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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