Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
