So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
