Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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