I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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