We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
