I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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