I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
