I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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