when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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