Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize