did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
