i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
