i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
