I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
