I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
