Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So many bounce houses so little time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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