I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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