NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
