I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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