Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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