I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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