3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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