Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
