dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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