I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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