I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
