My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize