if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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