Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
