ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
