Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
