i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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