he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
