he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
