You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
