Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
