Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
