She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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