RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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