so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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