he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
