This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize