Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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