The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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