I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
